Monthly Archives: February 2013

So I told my therapist about this blog today. Not sure that’s the right word for it, but whatever. I didn’t tell her the name or anything, just that it exists and what I tend to use it for.

She’s the only person in my life who knows about it. I haven’t even told my best friend.

I guess it’s nice to have something for myself. A place to go where I won’t be ignored, where at least a few people read what I have to say and get it. Or just find it the least bit interesting.

A place where the people who care about me will never go. Where everything I feel that would scare them is locked away.

I wish I didn’t need this. I wish I didn’t need therapy or antidepressants. I wish I could go back and have a second chance at starting my life.

But I do need this blog. I need it more than I ever imagined. I need to know that my words mean something to someone other than me. I need to feel just a little less alone.

I need this blog to survive the moments when anxiety overwhelms me and everything seems pointless. When the past only hurts and the future is full of loss.


I continue to struggle with the idea that there’s something wrong with me that can be fixed. Maybe this is just who I am.

But if this is who I’m meant to be, what hope is there?

I can’t live the rest of my life the way I’ve lived it so far. I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve been so unhappy.

I’m trying to change, but I don’t know if I have the will to make it happen. Maybe this is as good as I’ll get.


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Let me take on all your pain and all your fear
So I can forget my own for a minute or two.
I feel so helpless when I’m alone
And the only one I have to fix is myself.