Monthly Archives: May 2012

What Am I Missing Here?

Do you ever just feel like nobody cares? Not that nobody loves you or even likes you. But they just don’t care. They don’t care enough to listen to your stories past the first two sentences without interrupting you like you weren’t even talking. 

You have to wonder…Jesus Christ, am I really that boring? 

I don’t know. Four years ago, I could have twelve different people listen to me at once. I could command their attention just by speaking. And then some shit happened and I just changed. I wasn’t myself for a while, and then when I got myself together again, it was like I was watered down. Lost some of my flavor. 

For a while I figured it was just with certain people, but after today…I just don’t know. And maybe a big part of it is I just spend too much time in my head, too much time on introspection and just generally being self-absorbed. Maybe I just can’t read my audience anymore.

Then again, your fucking family should care what you have to say no matter what.

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Tired

I’m just tired of thinking.

I’m not super smart, I’m not an intellectual, but I just think so much in such a strange way. My brother and I, we just don’t think the way other people do. We both have trouble getting to sleep because we lay in bed thinking about awful things, about everything we try to ignore during the day.

I just want to sleep. I don’t want to have to go to bed two hours in advance to give me time to relax so I don’t have a panic attack.

I never say this because I feel like I’m lucky to see the world in a different way, but right now, I really wish I were normal.